In
a recent encounter I had with a doctor, the doctor finished our
appointment by telling me to take a piece of paper to "the girl at
reception". This angered me, as the "girl" at reception was in no way
prepubescent. In fact, she was a fully grown, mature, woman in her
thirties or forties.
I got to thinking, when I first met the woman at reception she never referred to the doctor as "the boy out the back". I never hear "the boy will see you now", it's "the doctor will see you now", or he even gets the privilege of being identified as an individual "Dr such and such will see you now".
Presumably this doctor works everyday with this receptionist, he could have said "take this paper to such and such at reception".
This stayed on my mind for a few days, and I realised that I too refer to women as "girls" all the time. I say I'm having lunch with "a couple of the girls". In conversations with people who don't know the woman I am talking about, I refer to her as a "girl".
I questioned myself. Why would a self-proclaimed feminist refuse to use the word "woman" when it is clearly the appropriate word? I realised that the word woman had negative connotations that I was trying to avoid. Woman conjured up something harsh, something old, something derogatory. "Woman" is used by misogynists when they refuse to acknowledge a woman's personhood, used as a derogatory nickname: "What's for dinner, woman?"
I had wanted to avoid those negative connotations. Girl sounds nicer, flattering even, and so it would in a society such as ours where women are supposed to be young and pretty. Maturity in a woman is not a positive thing, because it implies age (maybe I should start referring to age-defying make up as maturity-defying make up, or wisdom-defying make up?)
I never refer to men as "boys" in conversation. I have rarely ever heard of a man being referred to as a boy, unless he is actually prepubescent, and even then boys often get called "little men" or other words that have positive associations (my father used to refer to my brother as "Kingsize" when he was prepubescent. I was referred to as "Sawah" instead of "Sarah").
Referring to a woman as a girl is derogatory, it is insulting, and it is patriarchal. Referring to a woman as a girl is infantilising, stripping her of her years of increasing intelligence. It is only a compliment if you accept that a woman growing older (and thus wiser) is undesirable.
I got to thinking, when I first met the woman at reception she never referred to the doctor as "the boy out the back". I never hear "the boy will see you now", it's "the doctor will see you now", or he even gets the privilege of being identified as an individual "Dr such and such will see you now".
Presumably this doctor works everyday with this receptionist, he could have said "take this paper to such and such at reception".
This stayed on my mind for a few days, and I realised that I too refer to women as "girls" all the time. I say I'm having lunch with "a couple of the girls". In conversations with people who don't know the woman I am talking about, I refer to her as a "girl".
I questioned myself. Why would a self-proclaimed feminist refuse to use the word "woman" when it is clearly the appropriate word? I realised that the word woman had negative connotations that I was trying to avoid. Woman conjured up something harsh, something old, something derogatory. "Woman" is used by misogynists when they refuse to acknowledge a woman's personhood, used as a derogatory nickname: "What's for dinner, woman?"
I had wanted to avoid those negative connotations. Girl sounds nicer, flattering even, and so it would in a society such as ours where women are supposed to be young and pretty. Maturity in a woman is not a positive thing, because it implies age (maybe I should start referring to age-defying make up as maturity-defying make up, or wisdom-defying make up?)
I never refer to men as "boys" in conversation. I have rarely ever heard of a man being referred to as a boy, unless he is actually prepubescent, and even then boys often get called "little men" or other words that have positive associations (my father used to refer to my brother as "Kingsize" when he was prepubescent. I was referred to as "Sawah" instead of "Sarah").
Referring to a woman as a girl is derogatory, it is insulting, and it is patriarchal. Referring to a woman as a girl is infantilising, stripping her of her years of increasing intelligence. It is only a compliment if you accept that a woman growing older (and thus wiser) is undesirable.
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